Dear 2020,

I have experienced the equivalent of internal plate tectonics several times this year:

A shifting of internal continents and, as with actual physical plate tectonics, parts of me shifted in an uprising, like learning to be more deeply honest, and then there were other ‘plates’ that broke apart from the mainland and created new continents for themselves, like the ones where I had spent much of my time/my life trying to maintain an image of myself to me and others because I believed myself to somehow be objectionable as a woman or even as a human.

New doors have opened and others have closed. I found myself in the depths of despair and deep hopelessness on many occasions and for entirely different reasons. I have wanted to reach out and soothe others hearts and minds. I have felt hatred towards certain people and intolerance often, Starting with myself and moving outward into the world. I couldn’t accept this: feeling so lost

20 things I have lost and gained in 2020::;

I ((thought) I ‘Lost’ :
1 my home
2 a sense of comfort
3 Richard – friend
4 a dear old friend – j
5 Phil –- mentor, friend
6 Cloud –- my cat
7 Sabbath –- our dog
8 my self
9 connection
10 sense of normal

I discovered :
1 a new continent within me on which to live with greater acceptance life’s experiences
2 a new sense of self
3 a new way of connecting
4 new friends
5 a deeper meaning of life
6 a new perspective on death
7 a new view from my windows
8 a depth of spirituality previously unknown to me
9 large bonfires and rituals
10 celebrations of life and connections

All of these moments and experiences have brought me here, to this early morning on Dec. 31, 2020, to have the benefit of hindsight, which is

2020