Starting at age four, I would pack a bag on Sunday mornings before church, in hopes of finding a friend to go home with. A year or so later, I started flying regularly to see my dad who lived in a different state.
It was clear from early on, I am a high energy person – and so as I transitioned to adulthood, it felt natural to always be on the go. I have never liked to sit still.
As my career evolved into designing events, and running/owning an events production company – the constant busy-ness, urgency, moving and of course travel – made me feel important.
As the years went on, I began to resent many aspects of my career – the stress and constant fire drills took a toll. But the work kept coming and so it was just easier to keep saying – yes.
I gave up my apartment and put most of my belongings in storage – accepting and choosing the nomadic life – sleeping on the couch of my studio, or renting a room from a friend when in town.
But in March, you grounded me. For the first time in my adult life there were no projects. No trips to plan. No planes to catch. I had no choice but to sit still.
My business came to a screeching halt. I felt like a failure, but I also felt relief.
2020, we fought, we wrestled. I cried so many times that this was too hard alone. I’ve longed for distraction of packing a bag and running off to an adventure, or even just a friend’s house. But instead you just kept telling me to sit still.
In June, you brought me a home. A perfect little space that needed some love, but with a view of nature and a creek. With time on my hands and no where to be, it was time to unpack my storage unit and to have a place to expand.
In the process, you reminded me how much I love creating spaces and watching them transform.
You have been a mixed bag 2020, but I will forever be grateful for the hours I’ve had to cuddle with my cat, the miles I’ve been able to log riding my bike, the steps I’ve taken on my nightly walks in my new neighborhood, and the time and physical space to create a home – which has also delivered the glimmer of a new career direction in interior design.
I will probably not understand all that you have brought me for years to come – but I know for now that in grounding me, you have given me the opportunity to come home to myself, and to find peace with sitting still.
With a grateful heart,