Dear 2020,

I see you.

I see you 2020 and every part of me thanks every part of you for all that you have brought to my life in the past 12 months. I wouldn’t be the woman, the daughter, the friend, the leader, the entrepreneur or the human that I am in this moment if it wasn’t for the amazing time we have spent together.

You have taught me things and reminded me of who I am to the very core.

We’ve shared great times and we have shared some hard times. You, me and my apartment got to know each other pretty well, didn’t we? You could say we have lived many lives together in this short time.

I don’t think there was much we didn’t try together to pass the time, to expand ourselves, to go deeper, to find more love, to let things go…

There was yoga, chi gong, late night video diaries, all night Netflix, painting, singing lessons, morning pages, therapy sessions, cooking, sleeping, crying, laughing, screaming, smoking weed, not smoking weed, baths, no shoes, no bras, no underwear, food deliveries, smelly armpits, hot flashes, a rotating art gallery in my apartment, volunteering, pretending to play guitar and piano, watching plays on zoom, not attending zooms I didn’t want to, reading stories out loud in public, more sleeping, laying in the sun, sound baths, synchronicities, sunrises and sunsets, Canal Houses and beach walking, shooting a music video, self tapes, listening to music, picnics in the park with Teddy, four days with no food or water to get closer to god, tough conversations, afternoons of reading, rapping practice, masturbation, sensory tank floats on each new and full moon, asking for help, daydreaming, sitting at my desk, not sitting at my desk, work, no work, being stuck, getting unstuck, talking to aliens, taking time out from friends, website building, manifesting, being cast as the lead and filming a movie start to finish, weekly catch up calls with girlfriends, talking to my mum almost daily, drawing, birthing new things, burying old things, planning and hosting The Camp., chilling upstate, airstreaming, observing people, mushroom trips, sending emails to people telling them about my new ventures, channeling, moon circles, decorating, redecorating, having masked visitors, having no visitors, learning about human design and gene keys, akashic records readings, alien extractions, dream interpretation work, soul alignment, indigenous ceremonies, live streams, not much boozing, praying for my dad who was in a coma, co-creating my new offerings and brands, relinquishing brands, talking to teddy, surrendering, not earning money for nine months, supporting loved ones, saying no to toxic people, talking to god, barely going on instagram, living off unemployment, following my bodies rhythm, leading meditations for Soho House, making graphics, collecting books for my library, putting my tv away, launching my life’s work, sharing my art, investing my savings in the stock market using astrology as a guide, uploading videos to YouTube, writing stories and memoirs, not being scared to speak my truth, walking the dog with my neighbor, putting myself out there, checking in on others, meditation by the river, talking to strangers, walks around the neighborhood, hosting online things where no one turned up, praying by my bedside every night, writing poems, pitching new ideas, ice creams, acting classes, talking about consciousness and ascension, accepting early menopause, completing The Artist’s Way, launching Spirit Sister Stories, accepting food support, speaking to myself more kindly, making music and songs, dancing, meeting new friends, making meals for the oldies, sitting with neighbors, watching my behaviors and patterns, calling myself on my own shit, editing audio and videos, raising my consciousness, getting honest with people, showing up for myself and doing things that scared the shit out of me (again and again and again)….

Did I miss anything? Probably. LOL.

Thanks to you 2020 I have seen myself in a new light. I know who I am. Inside and out. I know what I am here to do. I understand my calling and I know that I am being guided towards it every day.

I also know that if I can make it through a year like 2020 I can fucking do anything.

So, thank you. Thank you for all that you brought to my life. I will never forget you.

Love always,
Toni xx