Dear 2020,

You have challenged me, you have pushed me and you have allowed me to see this world differently but also a little more clearly.

You pushed me – In March, I packed a suitcase and left a city that was home for the past 6 years. 9 months later and I miss my old home, my old life, and yet I find comfort in this unexpected new home in a new city. This was never part of “the plan” and I’m realizing that’s ok too.

You made me uncomfortable – I saw the hatred, division and violence in our country unravel. I stopped getting so wrapped up in my own bubble. I started unlearning, re-learning and having hard conversations that I never had before. I caught myself when I would get defensive or make excuses and started digging deeper to understand why. I still have a lot of work to do but 2020 you made me feel uncomfortable and I am forever grateful for that.

You made me sad – You made me sad for everyone suffering, everyone out of work, everyone who had to say goodbye to a loved one this year. For kids who can’t go to school and just be kids, can’t go out for recess, and can’t leave the house without a mask. For the elderly who sit home alone and isolated, who can’t figure out how to work zoom and who wave to their families from their window. You made me feel helpless, scared and anxious.

You made me brave – You inspired me to launch my own business, to do something that brings me joy and energizes those around me. You made me realize I didn’t have to be just a number, that I could be more. You made me proud of the work I do every day and you invigorated me knowing that this is just the start of my new journey. You helped me find my voice.

You made me miss 2019 – You made me miss being in a busy restaurant that is buzzing with energy and excitement. A crowded subway. Loud music in a tiny bar. Hugging friends and family. Laughing until my stomach hurts. Exploring a new part of the world.

You made me appreciate – You made me appreciate my husband and the time we’ve spent together. No distractions, no work travel, no events. It hasn’t been easy but we are stronger because of the curveballs this year has thrown at us and I appreciate the small moments we’ve shared – a new appreciation for a hug after a bad day, a home cooked meal, a long walk, and a warm chocolate chip cookie.

You made me slow down – You made me realize that being busy is just a distraction for working on yourself, your relationships, your happiness. I didn’t realize how much I needed to slow down. And I don’t know if I ever would have if it wasn’t for 2020.

I surely will never forget you, 2020 and yet I’m ready as I’ll ever be to say goodbye to you.

LB